Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The momma's boy paradox

Yes, I'm THAT mother.

When you get married, you believe that you're going to be with that man for the rest of your life. That's a satisfying feeling.

When you become a mother, you quickly begin to realize that the person you love more than anything, or anyone else, is the one you will have to let go of. I suddenly understand why that's so hard.

My little man is all of four months old. He smiles at me, and I adore him. Even when I'm in the foulest of moods, his smile makes me giggle and laugh. And suddenly I'm overwhelmed with jealousy of a woman that's probably in her cradle right now, or not even born yet - the woman that will take my son from me.

Do I want to have a Momma's boy? Heck, no! Do I want to have Howard from The Big Bang Theory, and have my son living at home into his 30's, doing all his laundry and cooking his food, regardless of his success? NO! That's pathetic. Do I suddenly understand the compulsion to allow your son to live with you into his 30's? Yes, I'm afraid so.

Which leads me to the unfortunate conclusion that I'm looney tunes, and I'm going to have to fight my impulses. I do not want to be the mother-in-law from hell. My mother-in-law has done exceptionally well at letting her boys go, and has been wonderful to me. She is like my third mom, actually (because I have both a mother and a stepmother who are very good to me as well).

Still, all of this? This desire to hold my son tight and make him stay a baby, while simultaneously standing proudly by as he grows (that stifling paradox of motherhood)? Makes me suddenly have so much more sympathy for you, Mrs. Wolowitz.

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