Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Have you ever been encouraged to just "go off the pill" without telling your husband? Yes! I will simultaneously lose my husband and get a child! It's a great plan! Oh, wait.

Let's just say I'm tempted. Sure, I'm tempted, but I really see this as the kind of stupid decision that creates more problems than it solves. Would it convince my husband that we want a baby? Most likely. Would it also prove that I'm a terrible and impatient person who shouldn't be a mother, no matter how badly she wants it? Again, most likely. Who am I to make this decision without my husband agreeing? Really, it's my body, but it's OUR life, and if he bought a car without my consent, I'd shoot him. I'd hate to think of how he'd respond if I did that.

Now, having said this, I'm going to be jinxed and get pregnant accidentally. I just know it. Nope, wishful thinking.

On the bright side, I've lost almost two pounds on Weight Watchers! Yay!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Lonely little boat

It's been months. I have staved off my yearning with everything - food, diet, a kitten ( a lovely adorable tiny ball of a kitten who likes to pounce on my feet, and my head, and even wake me up at 4 am for food!), cleaning, cooking, any thing I can manage. It's not working. I want a baby more than ever.

If one more person says, "if you wait til the moment is right to have a baby, you never will" I swear, you're going to be smacked. In the head. By my tiny hands, which will hurt if I have to put a giant rhinestone ring on. I swear it!

We have to wait. We are worried about our mortgage, we are worried about my lack of job. I'm worried about being one of those people dragging their kid through the unemployment line while he/she screams bloody murder, and probably does manage to kill a few old men waiting in line for four hours, by blowing up heads or coronaries, take your pick.

I dreamed last night that I was seven months pregnant. I almost cried when I woke up to find it wasn't real.

To add insult to serious injury, everyone around me is having babies. My favorite blogger ever, Heather Armstrong ( just had her second baby. I'm delighted for her, but I'm sad.
Three of my closest work (former work) friends just had babies. They're adorable! I hate them. I love them. I want to STEAL them.

One of my best online friends is in labor as I type. With her second. I remember commiserating with her when her husband did not want kids, years ago. We were both in the same boat, but now I'm alone. It's a lonely little boat.