Saturday, March 28, 2009

Who AM I?

Tomorrow will be the day that I meet my children-to-be. I think. I know I will be meeting them, but will they like us? I don't know. I feel as if I'm being set up with an arranged marriage.

They are, in fact, aged 5 and 3, and beautiful. I'd share pictures, but I don't know if that's allowed, or sensible. I'm still learning this whole adoption process.

Frankly, I'm a little scared. Not because I think the children will be demons, but because I come from a household where I know my mother regretted having children at all, and even though I yearn for children, my link to that type of mother is irrefutable.

Screw that. I'm not a little scared - I'm freaking TERRIFIED. The questions running through my head tonight are so numerous, it's like being a confused, snot nosed, pimpled teenage kid all over again.

What if I won't be a good mother?
What if I'm not strong enough for two?
What if I turn into someone evil because I'm stressed?
What if I grow a Spaceballs monster out of my stomach and eat my new kids?
What if I tramatize them more?
What if they never really love me?
How am I going to afford all the cool stuff I want to buy them?
How am I going to avoid spoiling them when there's an overwhelming amount of cool junk I can buy them?

Oh, yes. This is my hourly dialogue. Parents! Am I a crazy person, or is this normal?