Tuesday, September 20, 2016

This is as much about me as my baby.

Baby is now five years old. He's big. He's HUGE. He's easily in the 75% percentile for height and weight. 

We did not get out of prematurity unscathed. We just survived divorce, and my little man is still struggling with switching from one house to another and back. 

He has ADHD, what my other preemie mom friends refer to as "preemie brain", (which actually refers to a wonderfully articulate, funny nature that in turn is also a very distracted one) and he sometimes struggles with social situations. He's not, at least as of current diagnosis, considered autistic. He's too eager to be social and friendly, as far as the psychologists can see. 

On the opposite end, my baby boy is growing up, he's beautiful and smart and hilarious, and loves to tell long stories about battles between his toys (I swear I don't encourage violence at all -- this is just what he's fascinated with). 

4K was a nightmare because, even with a loving, affectionate, attentive and hard working teacher, he had a very hard time following rules and not getting overwhelmed by all the classmates. He was suspended twice for hitting (HARD) other children, and he had far more incidents of hitting than he was suspended for. I hated that in particular, because I felt like he learned nothing from that, and that it was solely for the benefit of the other children's parents. And, paradoxically, it didn't help them either because it encouraged my son to get into even more trouble. 

About me: 
T switches from one house to the other once every week on Thursday. He manages very well. We Facetime or even just come over and visit when he's feeling sad about not seeing the other parent. (We don't live far apart at all). 

I  miss him when he's gone. It's terribly, desperately, awfully lonely. I do enjoy having time to be social (which isn't that much even when he's not visiting, as I've had to take a second job just to keep my head above water) and I feel like I have more energy to devote to activities when he is around just because he's not there all the time. Nevertheless, the house is so empty without him, and I can hardly bear it. 

Dating is just blah. It's seriously impossible. I've met a couple men from dating sites. They never get past the first date. I don't think any of them have asked me, and my heart has not been broken by that once. I have a coworker whom I find interesting and has expressed interest in me, but after chatting online for perhaps a week he ceased to speak. My bluntness frequently drives people away, but this hurt my feelings a bit. Mercifully, I have fantastic friends that have given me so much love and support. My best friend in the world has actually made me look forward to my birthday more than I have in many, many years (we're going to hang out and binge watch the new Gilmore Girls series!). 

I'm loving TV  more than anyone should, although I've had very little time since school has begun again. I'm teaching a lot. I still don't have a full time teaching position, which is the nature of adjunct life - barely living above poverty and working two jobs. I love teaching too much to give it up.  Netflix has become my other best friend. I managed, during the summer, to watch all of Nurse Jackie, The Borgias, Arrow, Orange is the New Black (although I had watched all the previous seasons before, so I didn't watch it all), Scandal, Jane the Virgin, Parenthood, a lot of "Fixer Upper" and and the latest season of "Grace and Frankie". Most of those series I watched from beginning to end. So whenever a guy tells me he doesn't watch TV, I'm totally aghast. WHAT WILL WE TALK ABOUT?!