Saturday, July 10, 2010

Dear Baby (1):

Dear Baby,

No. You have not been conceived yet, as far as I know. You have been in my thoughts for so long, and I have pictured you in so many ways and places that I have long since lost track of when I first started hoping for you.

Everything in my current life has been chosen in hopes of meeting you: my dog - extra friendly and non-territorial; my home - extra bedrooms for me to paint the walls with anything your heart desires; my car: with an extra big back seat, in hopes I would need the space for you.

I have bought items for you, and then given them away - only because I despaired of ever meeting you at all, and so many others around me have welcomed their babies already. Two years ago it was a baby blanket. Last year it was a full crib set (on sale!). This summer it was a book of murals for painting your walls.

I can see you. I have seen you in every possibility - a girl with my sister's giggle, a boy with your daddy's eyes, even twins. I have names chosen - all kinds of possibilities in case the one we had picked just doesn't fit. Colin, for the wide eyed one - Tyson, for the independant - Lily for the shy girl - Rosalie if I can get Daddy to consent.

I'll teach you to be polite even when you don't want to be, and to be thoughtful even when the person you are thinking of doesn't deserve it. I'll make sure to teach you all that I wish I had been taught. I'll play with you and rock you and sing to you, even though I'm a horrible singer.

I already love you. I can only hope you won't resist being loved as much as I did.


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