Saturday, March 28, 2009

Who AM I?

Tomorrow will be the day that I meet my children-to-be. I think. I know I will be meeting them, but will they like us? I don't know. I feel as if I'm being set up with an arranged marriage.

They are, in fact, aged 5 and 3, and beautiful. I'd share pictures, but I don't know if that's allowed, or sensible. I'm still learning this whole adoption process.

Frankly, I'm a little scared. Not because I think the children will be demons, but because I come from a household where I know my mother regretted having children at all, and even though I yearn for children, my link to that type of mother is irrefutable.

Screw that. I'm not a little scared - I'm freaking TERRIFIED. The questions running through my head tonight are so numerous, it's like being a confused, snot nosed, pimpled teenage kid all over again.

What if I won't be a good mother?
What if I'm not strong enough for two?
What if I turn into someone evil because I'm stressed?
What if I grow a Spaceballs monster out of my stomach and eat my new kids?
What if I tramatize them more?
What if they never really love me?
How am I going to afford all the cool stuff I want to buy them?
How am I going to avoid spoiling them when there's an overwhelming amount of cool junk I can buy them?

Oh, yes. This is my hourly dialogue. Parents! Am I a crazy person, or is this normal?

1 comment:

  1. Hi. Mab, is it?

    My name is Michael, and I'm a student living in Hong Kong. My parents divorced when I was 2, and my mother has custody. She's shared with me some of her experiences of being pregnant, and in fact, you receiving two children soon is pretty much like childbirth, in that you ask the same questions.

    I have no children. I'm 17. But through all the hardships I've been through with my mother, my advice is to anticipate how long this journey you're about to embark on will be.

    I predict that it will be exciting, and enjoyable, at first. Then it'll get a little hectic, stressful, and progressively even more as they grow up into teenagers. Don't ever give up. And just try to raise your children in the way you want to with their happiness and health in mind always.

    And, please... please... buy books for them. Books good. Toys/electronics bad.