Polyps!

So, polyp #2 will be removed the day after tomorrow.

What's funny about this month (and I'm going to get specific, so if you can't handle it, RUN) is how odd it has been.

First, I spotted for a solid week. On day seven, I called the doctor and told him. "Oh, hai, I've been spotting for seven days, am I broken?" and the doctor was all, "Hrm. Well, no, but we probably should schedule your surgery STAT."

Then, the next morning (when the nurse called back to schedule the surgery) I was forced to inform her that, in fact, the real bleeding and cramping had started that morning. Yeah. I get to have a period all over again. Yay! She said, "no biggie, you're actually late in your cycle now, so we'll go ahead and do this on Monday".

Monday comes. I call again. "Are you suuuuure? I don't think the doctor wants to be all up in my bleeding hoo-ha, especially since he'll have trouble seeing around in my uterus with all the goo." And the doctor's office agreed. Of course, I have to tell them this while I'm in my office at work, which I share with several other people. There is no place for privacy on a school campus.

I called them again, four days later, when Aunt Flo decided to move on. We rescheduled for this coming week.

Since the last time hurt like...well, like they're sticking big metal spiky things in my vag, I'm not particularly looking forward to this. Except, of course, that once it's out we'll be able to try again (Round 3!!) for a baby. *sparkles and ribbons wands out, people*

Wrong

Just a short time ago, I stated my belief that I was not infertile. The world decided to prove me wrong with this second polyp in just three months. Since this was to only be my third IUI round, I'm more than a little upset.

I didn't realize how upset I was until another friend announced that she had a positive pregnancy test. In spite of the fact that she has not had those results a second time, that hit me like a ton of bricks.

This week, I've been, in quick succession: depressed, sobbing, indifferent, highly anxious, crabby and then back again. My nose has that crusty feeling you get when you've had a nasty cold for a week. I didn't know that could happen in less than two days, but it can.

The dishes are piled in the sink, I haven't vacuumed in a week, and I desperately need to change my cat's litter box (I can still do that since I'm still not pregnant). Isn't it fun how everything is a reminder?

Everything is, you know. My friends talk of little else - although I can't blame them. The upstairs bedroom where we've been forced to sleep all week because our downstairs a/c unit is broken - again - is the room where our baby would/will sleep someday. The rocking chair I've already bought and I'm planning to paint is in there, along with the paint chips for "baby" colors.

Surgery to remove polyps isn't really that bad, as surgeries go. It's more the disappointment and frustration of feeling ... like I'm missing out? Like I'll never have children? Like I'm getting older everyday and I'm getting that much closer to missing my chance? Some of all of them, I suppose.