I was just filling out a form to get a friggin catalog. I love IKEA, so that thought made me a little happy.
Then, I get to the question - Do you have the pitter patter of little feet?
No, no I don't. But I say "yes" because I like kids' stuff, and I have lots of friends with kids. Then, "How many do you have?" I don't have any, unless my dog and cat count, thanks for the reminder.
This question is followed by, "Are you expecting?"
No. No, I'm not. Thanks for asking. For some perverse reason, I marked yes. "When are you due?" TEARS. I'm NOT due, you motherfucker, I just want to look at baby stuff!! ASSHOLE. Leave me alone! *sobs*
They really should know better than to mess with the hormonal. Which, from my experience, is just about everyone.
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wrong
Just a short time ago, I stated my belief that I was not infertile. The world decided to prove me wrong with this second polyp in just three months. Since this was to only be my third IUI round, I'm more than a little upset.
I didn't realize how upset I was until another friend announced that she had a positive pregnancy test. In spite of the fact that she has not had those results a second time, that hit me like a ton of bricks.
This week, I've been, in quick succession: depressed, sobbing, indifferent, highly anxious, crabby and then back again. My nose has that crusty feeling you get when you've had a nasty cold for a week. I didn't know that could happen in less than two days, but it can.
The dishes are piled in the sink, I haven't vacuumed in a week, and I desperately need to change my cat's litter box (I can still do that since I'm still not pregnant). Isn't it fun how everything is a reminder?
Everything is, you know. My friends talk of little else - although I can't blame them. The upstairs bedroom where we've been forced to sleep all week because our downstairs a/c unit is broken - again - is the room where our baby would/will sleep someday. The rocking chair I've already bought and I'm planning to paint is in there, along with the paint chips for "baby" colors.
Surgery to remove polyps isn't really that bad, as surgeries go. It's more the disappointment and frustration of feeling ... like I'm missing out? Like I'll never have children? Like I'm getting older everyday and I'm getting that much closer to missing my chance? Some of all of them, I suppose.
I didn't realize how upset I was until another friend announced that she had a positive pregnancy test. In spite of the fact that she has not had those results a second time, that hit me like a ton of bricks.
This week, I've been, in quick succession: depressed, sobbing, indifferent, highly anxious, crabby and then back again. My nose has that crusty feeling you get when you've had a nasty cold for a week. I didn't know that could happen in less than two days, but it can.
The dishes are piled in the sink, I haven't vacuumed in a week, and I desperately need to change my cat's litter box (I can still do that since I'm still not pregnant). Isn't it fun how everything is a reminder?
Everything is, you know. My friends talk of little else - although I can't blame them. The upstairs bedroom where we've been forced to sleep all week because our downstairs a/c unit is broken - again - is the room where our baby would/will sleep someday. The rocking chair I've already bought and I'm planning to paint is in there, along with the paint chips for "baby" colors.
Surgery to remove polyps isn't really that bad, as surgeries go. It's more the disappointment and frustration of feeling ... like I'm missing out? Like I'll never have children? Like I'm getting older everyday and I'm getting that much closer to missing my chance? Some of all of them, I suppose.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Infertility
I'm not infertile, but I may as well be. My husband has a condition that would cause great harm to any children we may have, and therefore we have made the choice to use infertility treatments to avoid it. We are using donor sperm and in utero insemination.
We are now on our third cycle. Our insurance covers none of the fertility treatments, and we're already beginning to struggle. We are using the absolute cheapest form of fertility treatments available to us, and it still costs around $1500 every cycle. That may not sound like much, but in less than five months, we've spent nearly $5000 trying to get pregnant, unsuccesfully.
I feel like a failure. I look around, and I've lost count of how many women, friends, loved ones, and acquaintes have announced their pregnancies and brought babies into the world since I started lobbying to try for a baby, and now, when we are finally in a place to do that, I have failed. There was a polyp in my uterus, which acts like a natural IUD - it's almost impossible to get pregnant with that kind of obstruction. It was removed, painfully, but my doctor. Then, during the second cycle, the lining in my uterus was too thin, and there was no success there.
This evening, I will take a new medicine (the doctor believes that it's likely the Clomid, the fertility medicine I was on, might have caused the thinness of my uterine lining, so he changed the medicine) and try for the third time.
I have it easy. Many of my friends have had to do In vitro feritilization, which costs many times what my fertility treatments cost. Some of them have tried for years, not months, to get pregnant, and with no support from any insurance companies.
One of those friends found this video laying out the pain and struggle and calling for a change in the healthcare system, which provides medicine for free to men who want to get an erection, but won't support families struggling to have a child. The video is choppy, but emotional.
http://www.vimeo.com/11214833
A link to an article from Self Magazine:
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=2
We are now on our third cycle. Our insurance covers none of the fertility treatments, and we're already beginning to struggle. We are using the absolute cheapest form of fertility treatments available to us, and it still costs around $1500 every cycle. That may not sound like much, but in less than five months, we've spent nearly $5000 trying to get pregnant, unsuccesfully.
I feel like a failure. I look around, and I've lost count of how many women, friends, loved ones, and acquaintes have announced their pregnancies and brought babies into the world since I started lobbying to try for a baby, and now, when we are finally in a place to do that, I have failed. There was a polyp in my uterus, which acts like a natural IUD - it's almost impossible to get pregnant with that kind of obstruction. It was removed, painfully, but my doctor. Then, during the second cycle, the lining in my uterus was too thin, and there was no success there.
This evening, I will take a new medicine (the doctor believes that it's likely the Clomid, the fertility medicine I was on, might have caused the thinness of my uterine lining, so he changed the medicine) and try for the third time.
I have it easy. Many of my friends have had to do In vitro feritilization, which costs many times what my fertility treatments cost. Some of them have tried for years, not months, to get pregnant, and with no support from any insurance companies.
One of those friends found this video laying out the pain and struggle and calling for a change in the healthcare system, which provides medicine for free to men who want to get an erection, but won't support families struggling to have a child. The video is choppy, but emotional.
http://www.vimeo.com/11214833
A link to an article from Self Magazine:
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=2
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)